In This Economy
by Some Random Tosser
Summary: How the heck does someone get a job when they literally look like an imp?


Being a criminal is a lot harder when you're not backed by a syndicate more powerful than entire nations.

Linda had a good run. Scamming people and distributing illegal and flawed goods really served her well for three years. She felt kind of like Robin Hood if he was a scumbag (for which she was entirely unapologetic). Then the CPUs had to spoil her fun by killing her god as well as her beloved hero, effectively beheading ASIC and leaving it for dead. That left her scraping by with whatever dirty deeds she could scrape from the bottom of the bucket.

Sadly, such buckets only have so much to scrape and she had literally run dry of any source of illegitimate income. That left her with only one course of action: to find a source of legitimate income. In other words, get a job.

Jeez, that was harder than she could ever have guessed. Resumés were one thing. Cover letters were another. Referees were another still. You had to present yourself perfectly just to appear suited for the job. It was a miracle alone that she managed to find a good looking dress and shoes. Then she had to come up with false proof of the bullshit past experience and skills she put in her resumé. If only ASIC were still around; they had plenty of connections that would put in a good word for her.

This was her twentieth interview, assuming she was keeping count right. She never aimed for a flashy job; she knew no amount of lying through her teeth and keyboard would make up for her grey and clammy skin and her naturally pissed off expression. No one would accept her for customer service. Hell, given how she looked like a thug no matter how well she dressed, it was a miracle she was even considered for a position in stocktake; no one would be blamed for thinking she'd make off with the stock under her hoodie the first chance she got.

"Lisa?"

"Huh?" Linda was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of her interviewer's gentle voice calling her by her fake name. The interviewer was a tall woman but she wasn't tough or anything. Her pale blonde hair made her come across as kinda fluffy in a sense. She was wholesome but light. Linda liked her, partly because she treated her nicely but mostly because she looked like a very easy pickpocket.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yes, I am okay." Good thing they were alone in the hallway. Even if the administrative staff were in their offices, it didn't seem like they were paying attention. Another good thing was that Linda had honed her speaking skills from all her failed job applications. No more stammering and no more pathetic lies. Only good lies for her.

The interviewer smiled before walking on through the corridor. Like a good little interviewee, the former ASIC enforcer followed. "Let's continue. We pride ourselves on the wonderful renovations to this warehouse. Although it's over a hundred years old, it was constructed very well and the many appliances we have added have been effortless and easy."

"I can see that. You've cleaned up extremely nicely. I wouldn't even have been able to tell it was so old." Pretend you're interested but don't lay it on too thick.

The interviewer smiled. Either she bought into that bull or she was just humouring her, returning the treatment. "I have a fondness for things with a history behind them but you do have to patch the cracks here and there."

The interviewer strode beyond a corridor branching off to the left just as some silver-haired woman came from there and they collided with each other with a couple of "Oof!"s. Linda stayed back as the interviewer and the stranger groaned and pushed themselves off the ground.

"I-I-I-I-I am so sorry!" the silverette stammered, reminding Linda of someone she glimpsed on the streets from time to time. "I-I really should have watched where I was going! Are you okay?!"

"Q-Quite so..." Despite the collision being rough enough to knock them both down to the floor, the interviewer only smiled. "I'm sure you had your reasons, Ms Ryghts."

 _Ryghts_

And all of a sudden it crashed on Linda with the titanic force of CFW Trick's constant bouncing along the ground with his fat arse.

Rei Ryghts. No mistaking it. Black suit. Silver hair. Kinda blue-ish on close inspection, actually, but—oh whatever. Glasses. Blue-ish eyes. More tellingly, she had a devil horn on the side of her head, which probably would've given it away immediately if Linda actually cared enough about other people to pay attention to them.

This timid, apologetic, weak-willed harlot was known for one thing and one thing only: nearly destroying Planeptune. No one knew how or why but there was a fifth CPU that appeared in a storm along with legions of copies of the four known CPUs and she possessed terrifying power. She threatened to end the very world...

... and now she worked here. Actually, more importantly than that, she was standing right in front of Linda. That was awful, not to mention pants-wettingly terrifying.

Having finally righted themselves, the interviewer turned around. "Linda, this is Rei Ryghts. She's the manager of this warehouse."

Oh, that made perfect sense. 'Hey, you nearly killed everybody. Why don't we give you a job? Better yet, how about we give you a job where you tell other people what to do? That makes perfect sense.' Given how the CPUs tended to think, it wasn't that strange, actually.

Rei, the apocalyptic maiden she was, bowed as suddenly as a hammer striking a nail. "P-Pleased to meet you...!"

Linda raised a hand in a sort of 'hi' gesture. She said nothing, apropos of meeting this particular individual, and she kind of cursed that because she still needed a job and she'd been working hard on her communication skills.

It was fortunate for her that the interviewer didn't care as she looked back at her manager. "I'm just showing her around."

"O-Oh! Then let me take care of that!" Rei offered. "It's not a problem."

"Oh, truly? Thank you. I'll go back to my office then." With a smile of gratitude, the interviewer pissed off, thereby making her not Linda's interviewer anymore. That left...

... Rei Ryghts.

That name was the only words on Linda's mind. All of the lessons she had learned from her past job application failures, all of the questions and fake answers and compliments she had prepared... washed away. All gone. All of them were bundled in a nice neat pile and then **REI RYGHTS** dropped from the ceiling on top of it and splattered its blood.

"Why?" Linda blurted out.

Rei was caught off guard, which was hardly a surprise. Well... it kind of was, what with the whole destroy-you-all thing she had going about a year back, but this whole timid act was dampening that. "Wh-Why wh-what?"

"Why are you here?" Linda did not blurt that out. She knew what she was saying and she didn't care.

"I-um... I... work here?"

Linda's hand rose to her forehead and pressed, rubbing up and down. If she was lucky, she'd crush her own brain.

Rei's eyes flickered down. "... I'm the one who recommended you for an interview."

"Huh?" Now THAT was unexpected.

The former Final Boss blinked a couple of times as she took a breath. "I-I just thought... I was g-given a second chance so y-you should get one too."

Linda just stood there, mouth agape. As the moment passed and the sentiment settled into her mind, just as slowly did her mouth shut and her fists clench. "You were given a second chance. You, who nearly destroyed the whole fricking planet, and not me, who roughhoused a CPU here and there. You get to be a fricking manager, I get to be left on the streets with no one and nothing to my name wondering when I get to eat next." Linda suddenly placed her hands on the walls, which was at least a better course of action than hammering them with her fists. "You CPUs get all the good shit..."

Righto, that was yet another job down the drain. Maybe she'd get to work at a fast food place if she was really lucky.

"Then... I'd like to share my fortunes with you... I know how it feels..."

... Huh?

Rei noticed Linda froze up. "For a long time, I was out on the streets. I scavenged bins just to eat and find good clothes, not to mention find shelter for the night... But, even after... everything... the CPUs still took mercy on me and got me back on my feet."

"Lucky you."

Rei bristled but she furrowed her eyebrows. "Th-That's exactly it. I was fortunate. I... want to give it back. Forward, to you. I want to pay it forward to you. S-So... if you're willing, I'd like to hire you."

Linda lifted her head to behold the bespectacled girl once more, her eyes and mouth flat. Some things just refused to change with time; Linda's resistance to sappy friendship speeches was one of them.

Rei's eyes began shifting left and right the longer the moment ran on. "W-Well...?"

Linda closed her eyes. "Let's finish the interview."

For the first time since Linda saw her, Rei smiled. "Th-Thank you...! J-Just follow me if you please."

Rei turned around and immediately walked into the wall, knocking herself on her arse again. "Ow..." But she was still smiling. Not that Linda cared. Out of the few people she cared for the smiles of, one of them didn't have a mouth and both of them were dead.

But a job was a job. She'd put up with it.


End file.
